Tuesday, March 07, 2006
I've had a few big disappointments in my life recently. Things I thought were God moving me in the right direction. Granted looking back I do recall significant doubt occurring during the time of making the "right" decision. So therefor I feel a big gunshy if you will. During the events of the disappointments, I didn't give up I kept pressing on with hope, only to not get what I myself wanted and being slightly disappointed but in no way devastated. Bummed for a day or two, then moved on. But because of those disappointments I am afraid I'll be unable to have faith when I need to. Does this make any sense to anyone or am I talking out of my butt? Oh how I feel that way often. Everything in my being tells me to pursue this whole Springer thing, yet I'm afraid I won't have the gumption to push for it. Like because of disappointments I'll begin to doubt, and not push forward and that would be a disservice to my child. So I need to build myself up to be a freakin grown up and get shit done. End of story. If it doesn't work out it doesn't work out, I'll move on. But there's part of me that like "Ok God but now it's my kid you are messing with, and if this doesn't work out, I'll be more than disappointed." This could be the time I am devastated. Ok Ok Ok....wait a minute! God doesn't mess with you! Geez.....he nudges you to pursue things that are outside of you comfort zone to build character, even if he knows things won't go the way you want them to, he's building my character so that, when I do pursue the thing that will happen, I'll have built up the character to do so......HOLY CRAP....now that people was a cathartic moment. Or as Oprah says, and Ah-ha moment. Only a good Christian girl, like myself can use the word Shit and God in the same blog and get away with it. I challenge you to do the same. It'll feel good, and seriously God doesn't care. He's just happy you'll be talking about him. Now I wouldn't suggest dropping F-bombs.....but cuss at will.....it'll feel good.